dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
as a side note pls kill me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
