worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the liver wants what the liver wants
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
