Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
