Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
