i don't like sucking hair
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
