nut hugger
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
