I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
