Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
