I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
