your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
