So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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