Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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