I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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