with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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