i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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