Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
