Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
