Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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