i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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