and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
