he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
