rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
