dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
