i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
