you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
