Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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