fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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