operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
