whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
