Whod you bang
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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