Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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