I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
