just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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