You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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