So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
