im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
