just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
