his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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