Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
