She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
