my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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