Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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