After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
