MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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