Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
