I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
