I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
