I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
