ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
