He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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