I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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