i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize