In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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