Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
