oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize