you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
