I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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