I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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