I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
