Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
