Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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