Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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