What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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