Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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