totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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