did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
