There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
