I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
