what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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