You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
