If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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