Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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