I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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